I’ve been engaged for a week tomorrow (squee!) but, I have to confess, I’ve been planning our wedding for several months now. In fact, I created a Wedding Pinterest board back in January, secret of course so no one would think I was engaged…or pathetic.
One turned to two which turned to five and…well you get the idea.
This isn’t even all of them. It’s funny but not really surprising: this is what brides do, right?
But, as so many before me, I have fallen victim to a pinterest-envy of sorts. I’m sinking into that troubling place where inspiration turns to obsession then compulsion and then depression.
What is interesting is, when I read an article recently on Offbeat Bride (best wedding site ever!) discussing this exact issue, I kind of dismissed it. This article suggested “swearing off all wedding-related things” in order to avoid the inevitable competitiveness, self-doubt and pressure that comes with immersing oneself in wedding related media. Honestly, reading it the first time, I thought, “Pssht, calm down, sister. I’m just getting inspiration, no need to get all 20th century on me!”
But this was before I started being disappointed in and strangely panicked about our wedding before it even happened! No way, kids, I’m not going down that road. There is enough pressure when planning an event, I don’t need the added (and completely MANUFACTURED, I might add) pressure of having a perfect wedding or being a perfect bride. In fact, this was one of the major appeals of eloping. I know myself well enough to have foreseen this problem.
The worst part is, this feels way too familiar. I spent a good 15 years of my life comparing myself to everyone and desperately trying to be and do everything good in the world. I was 25 when I finally started rediscovering who I was, a process that, for me, got hijacked right around 6th grade. There’s no way I’m going to let a beautiful, happy, amazing thing like marrying Holly be tainted with feelings of inadequacy or competitiveness about the wedding. Moreover, I’m never letting those feelings back in my life, period. Ever.
So, I didn’t delete my Pinterest, but I did talk to my fiancée about what was happening. I told her that I didn’t want to turn into a crazy stressed-out, disappointed, nasty bitch-monster in the months leading up to our wedding. I told her this so she could help pull me back from the edge when I start to lose my mind.
By no means is this going to be the best or happiest day of our lives. In fact, I plan on each day of our lives competing for the title of “best” or “happiest.” But I don’t want to ruin a significant day by obsessing over details, being mean to my bride and abusing the people who have already done so much for us.
At the end of the day, this is just a party celebrating our love & marriage. As far as I’m concerned, the word “wedding” has been almost completely appropriated by commercial enterprises and marketing something this meaningful is never a good idea.
Here is my three-pronged philosophy:
- There are a lot of good ideas, but not all of them should be in one wedding.
- It is more important to be “us” than to be the best.
- A wedding is not self-existent, it only exists to support and celebrate our love and marriage. Marriage, first; marriage-party, second.