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Sarah and Holly

Kiss me hard before you go…

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love

Ellylldan

I wrote this August 28, 2013. Before Holly and I got together. In that weird gray period between careful friends and…more. My love for fairy tales and those of star-crossed lovers was laying heavy on my heart. For some reason, Holly has always conjured up fire imagery for me. Maybe it’s the red hair.In my phone, Holly is listed as “Kissed by Fire.”

So I think the fire metaphor along with a seemingly unattainable love probably inspired my to compare her to the fiery fairy that teases travelers with it’s elusive light.

“The Ellylldan is a species of elf exactly corresponding to the English Will-o’-wisp, the Scandinavian Lyktgubhe, and the Breton Sand Yan y Tad. The Welsh word dan means fire; dan also means a lure; the compound word suggests a luring elf-fire.”  British Goblins: Welsh Folk-lore, Fairy Mythology, Legends and Traditions. Chapter II.IV (page 19).

“Time marches on across my tiny little world which still swirls slightly around Holly. But each day I get a little bit more of myself back. I can at least be human now. I can shut down the sadness and insecurity so much better than 3 weeks ago. Much better perspective. It’s still hard when your whole being is telling you to go there-to dwell on impossibilities, to live in fantasies-but that world doesn’t exist. It’s pretend and the reality would never live up to the dream. But I’m a dreamer! It’s my natural state to live in impossibilities to feed on them and wish on invisible stars.

So I clench my teeth and pull my head back to reality- where I have a friend with a beautiful soul but who lives on the other side of a wall from me. I can only watch as she dances for me. She can hear me speak, but always a few inches away.
So I watch the Ellylldan dance just out of reach, and I follow. You can’t help it, right? The Ellylldan is mysterious, fascinating and seems so very close, but always out of reach.
The thing is that I know anything with Holly would be fire…gunpowder. I’d lose a finger trying to hold onto her. And I don’t know if I have the courage to go down that road, trusting her. I’m not strong right now.I need to be handled gently and being with her, I’m afraid, would break me into a million pieces.
So I’m the friend. Trying to shut off those feelings. Trying to feel something for my friend’s friend. Trying to figure something out in me. Who I am. What I am.
To be full of fearless love. And not lose myself in the marshes as I chase after phantoms.”
Hanjun Ni – “Will o’ the Wisp”

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Coming Home

Coming home to you is the best part of my day/evening/night. Coming home to you feels like an ocean mist on my face when the temperature scalds above 90. Coming home to you is learning on Friday that you have the weekend off. Coming home to you is a fresh tank of gas in your car. Coming home to you is a new, unopened pack of cigarettes. Coming home to you feels like I’ve just hand-cut (with scissors) an entire acre of grass. Coming home to you is the look on my mother’s face when I tell her I truly have found the one. Coming home to you is seeing in her eyes that she knows it too. Coming home to you is knowing that everyone important to me in my life, absolutely and unconditionally, loves you. Coming home to you are those dried rose petals you pressed between the pages of a book from the first bouquet I got you. Coming home to you is the one-of-a-kind painting I had made for you for Christmas.

Coming home to you, is coming home to YOU. Nobody else, but you.
That’s the best part of my day. You.

Fearlessly and Forever

“I think that my soul knew something that my body and my mind didn’t know yet. It knew that our hands were meant to hold each other. Fearlessly and forever. Which is why it’s never really felt like I was getting to know you, it’s always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if, in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived, we’ve chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over again for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime, because all I want to do, all I’ve ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you.”

(Blaine’s proposal to Kurt on Glee)

The Second Best Thing

She makes me laugh until my sides hurt. She causes me to smile until my cheeks get sore. She has me think about things so deeply; like what brought us here, what we’re supposed to do while we’re here, and who takes us when we leave. Stressful days aren’t so stressful anymore, because I know I can come home and fall into her arms. I thought I was a suuuuper intelligent cookie, until I met her. The knowledge and intellect she possesses is incomprehensible. She teaches me something new every day. Whether it be something as simple as a fun fact; or something more – like how to be more patient, kind, forgiving.

I see a fantastic arrangement of flowers at the store and think, “Hmm, those would look good on Sarah’s desk at work. I should show those flowers the only thing in this world that’s more gorgeous than they are: Sarah.”

I never thought in my life that I would find a love like this. I never thought one person could be as happy as Sarah makes me.

Being with Sarah is the second best thing that has ever happened to me.

The first? Meeting her.

I Need You

I need you. I need every inch of you. True love is feeling that being only part of another’s life simply is not enough; that you would live in the same skin as them if you could, and share every thought, every feeling, every heartbeat; as one.

Awake

You came to me last night while I was sleeping. It was like making love to a dream.
The haze of sleep swirled over my brain as sensations muddled together.
Red and green.
Specters of you and me.
Dancing across boundaries of sleep and wake.
Are these hallucinations, Love? Are you weaving my dreams at your pleasure?
I wanted to ask you your name, but wisps have no names.
Anyway if I were to hold it in my mouth, it would take my voice away
I’ll call you my Púca.
Kissed by fire.

I love you

“It’s Monday, and your hair is messy. You haphazardly put on your slacks and blouse as you moan about the day of the week – and I love you.

It’s Tuesday, and you’re stumbling your way around the room, trying to sort out the things you have to do before heading to work. You stop to briefly kiss the freckles on my nose – and I love you.

It’s Wednesday, and you’re quietly sprawled on the couch. You pat the spot next to you and pepper kisses on my hair because it’s my least favorite day of the week (and you know it) – and I love you.

It’s Thursday, and you’re wondering what the weekend will bring, and excited that the following day is TGIF – and I love you.

It’s Friday, and I’m surrounded by DVDs and snacks you’ve prepared while I was heading home from work. You welcome me with blankets and warmth from your arms – and I love you.

It’s Saturday, and you’re feeling lazy. You won’t let me leave your arms (or is it the other way around?) So you tuck me under your chin as we both wonder how much time we have left before sleep makes us miss each other’s faces – and I love you.

It’s Sunday, and there’s nothing much to say but – I love you.”

 

Source: nostalgicjoy

The only thing …

The only thing more incredible than your smile, is when you’re smiling at me.

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