Sarah and Holly

Kiss me hard before you go…




I wrote this August 28, 2013. Before Holly and I got together. In that weird gray period between careful friends and…more. My love for fairy tales and those of star-crossed lovers was laying heavy on my heart. For some reason, Holly has always conjured up fire imagery for me. Maybe it’s the red hair.In my phone, Holly is listed as “Kissed by Fire.”

So I think the fire metaphor along with a seemingly unattainable love probably inspired my to compare her to the fiery fairy that teases travelers with it’s elusive light.

“The Ellylldan is a species of elf exactly corresponding to the English Will-o’-wisp, the Scandinavian Lyktgubhe, and the Breton Sand Yan y Tad. The Welsh word dan means fire; dan also means a lure; the compound word suggests a luring elf-fire.”  British Goblins: Welsh Folk-lore, Fairy Mythology, Legends and Traditions. Chapter II.IV (page 19).

“Time marches on across my tiny little world which still swirls slightly around Holly. But each day I get a little bit more of myself back. I can at least be human now. I can shut down the sadness and insecurity so much better than 3 weeks ago. Much better perspective. It’s still hard when your whole being is telling you to go there-to dwell on impossibilities, to live in fantasies-but that world doesn’t exist. It’s pretend and the reality would never live up to the dream. But I’m a dreamer! It’s my natural state to live in impossibilities to feed on them and wish on invisible stars.

So I clench my teeth and pull my head back to reality- where I have a friend with a beautiful soul but who lives on the other side of a wall from me. I can only watch as she dances for me. She can hear me speak, but always a few inches away.
So I watch the Ellylldan dance just out of reach, and I follow. You can’t help it, right? The Ellylldan is mysterious, fascinating and seems so very close, but always out of reach.
The thing is that I know anything with Holly would be fire…gunpowder. I’d lose a finger trying to hold onto her. And I don’t know if I have the courage to go down that road, trusting her. I’m not strong right now.I need to be handled gently and being with her, I’m afraid, would break me into a million pieces.
So I’m the friend. Trying to shut off those feelings. Trying to feel something for my friend’s friend. Trying to figure something out in me. Who I am. What I am.
To be full of fearless love. And not lose myself in the marshes as I chase after phantoms.”
Hanjun Ni – “Will o’ the Wisp”

Fearlessly and Forever

“I think that my soul knew something that my body and my mind didn’t know yet. It knew that our hands were meant to hold each other. Fearlessly and forever. Which is why it’s never really felt like I was getting to know you, it’s always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if, in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived, we’ve chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over again for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime, because all I want to do, all I’ve ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you.”

(Blaine’s proposal to Kurt on Glee)

I Need You

I need you. I need every inch of you. True love is feeling that being only part of another’s life simply is not enough; that you would live in the same skin as them if you could, and share every thought, every feeling, every heartbeat; as one.

Andrea Gibson

“I wrote too many poems in a language I did not yet know how to speak” -Andrea Gibson


If I could wrap up my thoughts and feelings in a single word, I wouldn’t. Some things are better expressed in smiles and silent moments, in miles of love notes and 3 word text messages. Why would I distill my love into a matter of syllables when I want to take a lifetime of sighs and whispered midnight conversations to tell you exactly what “I love you” means to me?

It will take a million precious moments, tearful apologies, bad jokes, embarrassing admissions, lifelong promises, and poorly worded attempts for me to tell you I love you, Holly Michelle, and I wouldn’t dare miss a single one.



I want you. All of you.

I want your hugs and kisses. Your compassion and smile. Your kindness and desires.

I want your tired eyes and flawless smile. Your competitiveness and procrastination.

I want your imperfections and comforting hands. Your shyness and messy hair.

I want your melodious laugh and insightful thoughts. Your impervious bravery and loving heart.

I want you. All of you.

Forever and always.



I’ll cut my soul into a million different pieces, just to form a constellation to light your way home.
I’ll write love poems to the parts of yourself that you can’t stand.
I’ll stand in the shadows of your heart and show you that I’m not afraid of your dark.

You ARE my one. You ARE my only.
You ARE my always. You ARE my forever.



There will be countless days where my heart is full and I’ll constantly remind you that you’re the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. So I ask you to remember: on days where my heart seems empty, and my eyes wander away from our conversations over wine and couch cuddling – that my sentiment will always stay the same. Just because I may doubt myself, and have allowed myself to indulge inday terrors of my potential failure, doesn’t mean I will love you any less. In fact, I will love you even more; because I know that you are the one that anchors me to reality. You’re the one who brings back my glow in the end.

I love you so much, Sarah Elizabeth. And I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you



There are some people, if you’re lucky, that will sort of float into your life, surrounded by some kind of otherworldly glow and you’ll find yourself asking what you’ve ever, ever done to deserve to even, like, live on the same planet with someone who radiates such loveliness.


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